Sting
by koyukis
Summary: His smile- How could it look so similar- Yet so different?


**Originally published on my AO3.**

**WARNING: Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul:re spoilers ahead! **

**And just so there's no confusion, this story was published before chapter 9 of TG:re came out, so of course, due to the events in said chapter, I cannot be held accountable for anything that I have written in this story that diverge from the canon. Please take it as an AU or simply a fan's self-indulgent take on what could have happened instead. Thank you.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

A bell jingles softly as the glass door is pushed open and Touka pauses at the café's threshold for a short moment to breathe in the sweet, familiar scent of coffee. God, she missed that smell.

Her eyes wandered across the café's interior, taking in the sight of the customers seated at the many tables scattered around the shop, watching as they sipped at their mugs of coffee. Some chatted amiably over dessert while others seemed to be discussing work with their colleagues. Some still seemed to be sitting by themselves, absorbed in their own business.

Touka could feel a dull ache begin to spread across her chest as she willed herself to walk forward and fall in line for the counter. Hands behind her back, the ghoul couldn't help but continue to turn her head to look around the shop.

She had been so busy taking in the sights that when she reached the front of the line, she had a short moment of panic trying to decide what to order. But after a quick suggestion from the friendly barista, she settled on a regular cup of coffee. Cradling the warm brew in her hands, Touka managed to find an empty table near the back of the shop and quickly sat down.

She blew over the coffee's hot surface before taking a careful sip, lowering the cup from her lips afterwards with a sigh. She sat there in silence for a while before giving a small smile.

It had been a while since she had had some, but she had to agree: the coffee in Anteiku had definitely tasted better than this one. And she wasn't only saying that because she had been an employee there.

The female ghoul leaned back against her chair with a sigh. She wondered vaguely what she would say to Yomo if he caught her out in the open like this. None of her previously thought excuses would work on him and she seriously doubted he'd believe any kind of lie she'd tell him on the spot. And anyway, she couldn't really bear to keep anything from Yomo for too long. He'd probably be less strict about the punishment if you told the truth straight away.

But Touka really had no other excuse to be out here, in the middle of a coffee shop with all these people, than for the mere sake of being here. Two years of being in hiding – _two long goddamn years_ – had finally pushed her to her limit. Well, to be frank, she had reached her limit a long time ago, but this time she had decided to take things into her own hands.

She had waited until Yomo had left to get them something to eat before sneaking out of the abandoned building they were currently calling their hideout and finding the nearest café in the vicinity. 'Nearest' just happened to be about four blocks away, but Touka had estimated that this was a safe enough distance from the hideout to not get caught by her guardian but still make it back there before him.

She wasn't going to lie though, this wasn't the first time Touka had snuck out of a hideout to frequent a café. And she very much doubted it would be her last. She didn't know how Yomo hadn't caught her even once until now, but she suspected that he was only feigning ignorance for her sake. The thought itself made her smile. If anyone could understand the situation she was in, it would have to be him. He was the sharpest man she knew and besides, you didn't go in hiding with someone for two years without learning to read their actions and the reasons behind them.

Besides, she had to make it to a café before she lost her mind.

It had been two years since she had last been in Anteiku – two years since she had stood inside that building, had brewed coffee there, had last seen all the people she associated with that place and had been more like her family than anything else.

Yoshimura-san.

Hinami-chan.

Irimi-san and Koma-san.

Even Nishiki, no matter how insufferable that bastard had been.

…and Kaneki.

Of course. How could she forget?

Touka sighed and closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax for one small moment. The noise of the café filled her ears and she immersed herself in the atmosphere. It was too painful, far too painful, to even think about what could have possibly happened to them all. Where were they right now? What were they doing now?

It was useless for Touka to deny that she thought about this everyday. It was an itch that she could never scratch out, eating away at her very consciousness little by little until she couldn't take anymore. Even when she slept, the thoughts continued to haunt her, following her even to her dreams. Sometimes she'd wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and screaming and calling out for someone she knew wasn't really there. It came to the point where she was afraid to even go to sleep, afraid of all the visions she'd see once she closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift off.

It angered her. It frustrated her. It tore out her insides, made her chest feel hollow, empty, and it wore her down to the bone. Her chest would feel constricted and it was like she couldn't breathe, couldn't think of anything else but the worry that was slowly eating away at her and _oh god someone please help me_.

It was only when she was in a café that she calmed down, that she relaxed. That she could forget for even just a moment. The calming atmosphere of a coffee shop, the ambience, the scents, the warmth, the sheer familiarity of it all – it was the only thing that could ever make her leave her worries behind, even if it was only for a minute or two.

It just felt so much like home.

It wasn't Anteiku.

Nothing could ever come close to Anteiku.

But it would do.

Opening her eyes, Touka gave another sigh before finishing the last of her coffee. She placed the now empty mug down on the table and ran a hand through her hair, wondering if Yomo would be heading back to the hideout by now.

And that was when she saw him.

Right from the corner of her eye, she noticed the familiar white coat, the unmistakable shine of a silver briefcase-

Oh no.

_Oh god no._

All at once, Touka felt her body freeze with a familiar panic and her heart begin to race in her chest. Her hands clenched into fists and she found that she couldn't tear her eyes away from the trio of ghoul investigators who had just entered the café, the white coats that had earned them the nickname 'Dove' standing out among the rest of the café's crowd.

The ghoul didn't know how long she simply sat there, staring at them in a mixture of shock and fear, before she finally realized what she was doing and she quickly pulled the hood of her jacket up over her head. What was she thinking, staring at them like that? If anything would give away the fact that she was a ghoul, it was the look she had just been giving them.

But she couldn't help it.

Unexpectedly encountering Doves was never a good sign for a ghoul.

But to Touka, it was more than that. It was a serious offense. Cafes were her sanctuary, the only places she ever felt safe and peaceful. To meet Doves in such a place – it was like having your home attacked and ransacked by complete strangers.

And maybe this was the reason why she suddenly felt so agitated, so restless. She already had two homes stolen away from her. Being caught in one of the places she had considered her home was too much. For the first time since she started on these excursions, Touka Kirishima wanted nothing more than to be away from this place.

Keeping her head bowed with her eyes trained on the floor, Touka rose from her seat and began to briskly make her way towards the door.

"Excuse me…Oh sorry, excuse me…" She could barely raise her voice above a mutter as she tried to suppress the panic that was beginning to set in. What if one of them had noticed her staring? What if she was caught? What would they do to her? Yomo wasn't here, what was she going to do? _Oh god, someone please, someone-_

"O-Oh, sorr…" The words died on her lips as she looked up into the face of whoever she had bumped into. The sight of his white uniform made her face go pale but what had silenced her and rooted her to her spot was the sight of his face.

The man responded to her half-formed words with an apologetic smile of his own, along with a nervous laugh. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

Touka couldn't concentrate on his words though. She couldn't concentrate on just one thing. His hair looked different – that was the first thing she noticed. It was white around the ends but black at the roots. He was taller. And looked older.

And he was a ghoul investigator.

But it was that smile, that _stupid_ look on his face, the one that almost made her want to punch him in the gut – that gave him away.

It didn't take long for him to notice the way that she was staring at him, but before he could make a move, she had reached out a hand, making as if to touch his face but stopping mere inches away.

"Kaneki…?" she whispered.

Her tone was nothing but pure shock and disbelief. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff, feeling her chest suddenly grow tight, the tiny hairs on her arm beginning to stand on end. Her fingertips suddenly felt tingly, as if they longed for nothing more than to touch him, to see if he was really there. Not like in her nightmares where a single touch made him disappear and disintegrate back into the darkness behind her closed eyelids.

The man blinked and returned her gaze with one of confusion. "I-I'm sorry, what?"

His voice – even it sounded like him.

Touka swallowed hard before she said once again, slow and hesitant, "Kaneki…you…a-are you…?" She couldn't find the strength to continue, her throat suddenly closing up. She just couldn't believe it. She could feel her knees begin to shake weakly and her heart. Oh her heart. It was beginning to swell with so much pain, so much emotions, too many to sort out and distinguish from one another.

_Two years._

_Two goddamn years._

_You stupid, stupid idiot-_

The man's polite laughter cut through her racing thoughts, bringing her back to reality. "I'm sorry, but you must have me mistaken for someone else." He said, a hand reaching up to scratch at his cheek. "My name isn't Kaneki."

"Sasaki!"

The man turned at the call of his colleague, another Dove with chin-length hair and an eyepatch over their right eye. His companion looked alarmed at the sight of Touka and shot the man a questioning look. "It's fine." The man assured his colleague before turning back to the female ghoul with a smile. "Good day, miss."

_His smile-_

_How could it look so similar-_

_Yet so different?_

A hand shot out before Touka could stop it, landing on the man's shoulder. The man stopped and turned his head to look, puzzled. "Uh, is there-?"

A fist struck him abruptly on the jaw, sending him toppling backwards into the people in line before him. An audible gasp could be heard around the café and a stunned silence fell over all the customers as they stared with wide eyes at the young girl standing over the rank 1 ghoul investigator sprawled on the ground.

Those eyes held her, those wide, surprised eyes clearly asking her _why_. That pathetic look she had seen so many times before, her own pathetic gaze staring back at her through the mirror of those eyes. She could no longer take it.

She turn and ran.

She could feel rather than see all the eyes following her out the café door and down the street until she turned a corner and was finally out of sight of that place. She didn't turn back. She didn't _dare_ turn around, even just to look. She didn't stop running, only willing her legs to go faster when they began to hurt in protest. She didn't notice that she had felt like crying until the tears began to blur her vision, forcing her to stop before she hurt herself.

Coming to a halt, her legs all but collapsed underneath her, bringing her down to her knees. Sobs began to escape her throat and _it hurt. Oh god did it hurt_.

Her chest felt heavier than it had ever felt before, weighed down by the sight of that smile and the reflection in those eyes. Her body was shaking, like a leaf against a strong wind, and she didn't know what to do.

_Oh god, please-_

She didn't know how long she sat there like that, sobbing and shaking and angry and confused, before she finally managed to calm down and she looked down at her own fist.

Bringing it up to her face, she slowly unclenched it and stared at her own knuckles, the ones that had made contact with the man's jaw.

They still stung.

* * *

"Sasaki, are you all right?!"

Haise tried to laugh as he allowed Mutsuki to help him up but the pain from his jaw was still fresh and it was hard to speak. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine." He replied slowly, jaw aching with every syllable.

"Sasaki."

"Akira-san." Haise smiled apologetically at his superior, a hand rubbing at his jaw. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause a commotion, it's just-"

"Here." A cup of iced coffee was placed against his jaw and Haise stared at Akira in surprise. His superior only looked back at him blankly. "You're paying me back someday though."

"Uh, sure. Thanks." He says, taking the iced coffee and holding it in place as he watched Akira Mado make her way towards an empty table at the back of the cafe. Mutsuki appeared at his side, still looking worried. "Sasaki, did you know her?"

"What?"

"That girl just now…" Mutsuki jerked his head slightly towards the café door. "Did you know each other?"

Haise was silent, staring at the door as if in deep thought before he sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "Maybe…"

Before Mutsuki could say anything in reply, Haise had taken a sip from his iced coffee and was making his way towards Akira's table without another backwards glance. Mutsuki stared uncertainly after him before glancing back at the door and eventually running over to join them.


End file.
